Welcome from the President
Congratulations on choosing the luxury ship Gamalia for your cruise vacation!
The ship is registered in the Republic of Gamalia, known as the ‘Pearl of the Caribbean’.
For tourists like yourselves, the deserted beaches and jungle tours are second to none, and our hotels are world-famous for their standards and quality, so I hope that you will one day visit our wonderful country. Please disregard the negative reviews on TripAdvisor: they are purely fabrications by those who wish us harm.
Aside from tourism, Gamalia is renowned for its sense of justice, fair play, and honesty, and is an excellent place to do business.
So I wish you all welcome, businessmen and tourists alike,
President Negibi
Tourism
It’s a little known fact that Gamalia has a tourism industry.
Some of our beaches are now clean and almost free of pollution, and several companies offer ‘adventure’ trips into the jungle (at your own risk of course).
Since the murder of a group of tourists some months back, all escorts now carry automatic weapons, ensuring 100% safety.
So, if you have a sense of adventure, why don’t you choose Gamalia for your next vacation?
A tourist visa costs a mere $400. Major credit cards are accepted.
Business
Business is booming in Gamalia! Problems of intermittent power supplies are now largely a thing of the past, and labor costs are extremely low, thanks to the high unemployment levels, and the ban on trade unions. Although there are currently some minor problems with railway transport, the road network is exceptionally good, and rated by our Ministry of Transport as the best in the Caribbean.
Our greatest pride is the new highway from the Presidential palace to the airport, a route like many that no longer requires use of off-road vehicles.
Those coming on business visits are reminded that a visa must be obtained before travel. Cost is a modest $1200, which is exceptionally good value, given the opportunities here.
Resources
Gamalia has a vibrant agricultural sector, producing palm oil, cassava and yams. This has always been the backbone of the Gamalian economy.
Mineral resources include gold, platinum and rhodium. In recent years, however, the fastest growth has been in the mining of uranium. Gamalia leads the world in its safety record and the productivity of its uranium mines, thanks to the vigilance of the Ministry of Minerals. Very few deaths now occur.
Warning to criminals and evil-doers
The laws of Gamalia are very strict when it comes to criminal activity. Also, justice is swift, thanks to the absence of ‘western’ jury-style trials. Prison terms are automatic for theft, espionage, witchcraft, and other serious crimes, as well as insults to the country or the President, or his beloved family. The death sentence is mandatory for drug trafficking, murder, and terrorism.
Bribery and corruption are strictly forbidden in Gamalia, and punishments are harsh. That said, it is the custom to present company directors and public officials with small gifts, in recognition of any extra effort they have made for you. The president’s son Goti Negibi was falsely accused of bribery when presented with a Ferrari sports car last year, but it soon became clear that the value of this gift was trivial when related to the diplomatic efforts made by Goti, and was thus no more than a token gift. The accusers are awaiting trial.
Politics
Visitors to Gamalia often comment on the stability and peace that they find, without the unrest found in some other countries. The simple reason for this is the far-sightedness of President Negibi. When he took power, he realized that politics was the cause of many of the country’s previous ills. Accordingly, one of his first acts was to abolish political parties.
After consulting with senior members of his family, he then had the Court of Gamalia pronounce him as life-President. In so doing, the President swept away all forms of dissension, allowing citizens to concentrate on the important things in life, like family, work, and military service, and not waste time in pointless political discussion.
Visitors are therefore advised not to engage in any discussion that could be construed as political. The penalties for this are severe.
ADVERTISEMENTS
| Palace Hotel, Negibi Beach Vacancies always available. We cater for every need of our guests. In your room you’ll find an ample supply of fly spray and mosquito repellent. Try us next time you come to Gamalia. |
| Club Carib, City Center The most vibrant night club in Negibi City. Businessmen will enjoy the cheap drinks, and the beautiful girls. Private rooms available by the hour. |
| Acme Clinic The cleanest clinic in Gamalia. We have experience in all common ailments: Malaria, Typhoid, Gunshot wounds, Syphilis, to name just a few. Call us first! |
| Ship Registration The quickest registration facility in the Caribbean, and registrar to the renowned cruise ship ‘Gamalia’. You’ll appreciate the way we carry out inspections. We call it the ‘light touch’, relying primarily on the integrity and honesty of the person or company applying to register, rather than nit-picking examination of the vessel. And our fees are very reasonable! All inquiries to Negibi Registration Authority, Negibi Palace. |
